why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Too much gin, very little bucket
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Randomize