after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
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