Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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