I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize