Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I want to fling myself into the sun
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize