I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
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