after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
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