Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Randomize
