2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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