remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize