I should be sponsored by Trojan
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Randomize
