really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Randomize