i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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