I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
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