So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
