there's paper in my vomit.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
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