He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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