It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Randomize