Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
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