I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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