someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
