they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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