wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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