When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
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