it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
