Kiss
Puke
guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
