Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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