WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
