i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
i believe in u and ur pee
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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