If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
