i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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