could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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