So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
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