At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
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