Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
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