3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Randomize
