is your mom at the bar?
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
