Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
