I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
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