She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
