someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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