How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Randomize
