I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
