If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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