Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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