Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I wish there were birth control emojis
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize