when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
Pappa wants mamma naked
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Randomize
