i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Randomize
