After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Randomize
