I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Randomize
