if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
You were trust falling into bushes
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
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