shes about as inviting as chlamydia
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
