Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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