I just made out with a guy for $7.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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