Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
