: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize