the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
me + whiskey = a bad person
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Randomize
