he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
