I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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