I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
No subtext here. People are naked.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Let the clothes fall where they may.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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