We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
