Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize