And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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