Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
