I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
