I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
