doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Randomize
