I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I skipped work to stalk him.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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