You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
