i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
