So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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