just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
