Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
