he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Randomize