i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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