I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Girls should come with a carfax report
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
