im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
