It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Midget sex pt 2 tonight
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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