You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
