Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
