I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
