the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
