Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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