Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
