did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize