I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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