So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
