and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
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