well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
