You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Randomize
