i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Randomize