i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize