Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
