We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
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