Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
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