Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
