he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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